August 31, 2024

Still getting a few things ready.

Hello, friends! I honestly have no idea how you stumbled upon this place, but clearly, you’re quite the internet adventurer to have landed here, haha. Well, this is basically a diary space.

Today at work was awful, as you can imagine from any 9-to-5 job. It’s that feeling of “I’m doing this to pay the bills, but not by choice.” When I got home, I cleaned up my room, threw all my clothes in the wash, and even cleaned up my SSD. I could say I’m a new woman now, all organized and fresh, but… the truth is, this feeling will probably last only until the weekend is over. In a week’s time, my room will be a mess again, and I’ll be standing there like, how did I end up here again?

That’s what frustrates me — this lack of consistency, you know? I always start with everything: I organize, I clean, I make plans, but then things start slipping through my fingers. And then I ask myself: is it just a lack of discipline? Or is it that being organized just isn't part of who I am? I feel like I’m a walking chaos, desperately trying to hold onto a plan that never seems to work. Maybe I need to stop fighting it and just accept that this is how I am, but then… I’m the one who pays the price.

Does anyone have a manual on how to be a disciplined person? (Seriously, I’m open to tips!)

On another note, I adjusted the site a bit to make it more pleasant. The truth is, I still haven’t decided, and honestly, I don’t even remember how HTML and CSS work. In the midst of this, my mind has already come up with a thousand new things to add here. Maybe I’ll get lost again, but who knows, maybe it’ll work out this time, right? Some of the topics I want to add to this space include:

• My garden — Plants are my peace. I want to share some tips and the latest additions to my little green paradise.
• Letter exchange — It seems kind of vintage, but I’ve fallen in love with the idea of exchanging real letters with people from around the world. Who knows?
• Books I’ve read — I’m not the fastest reader, but when something grabs my attention, I devour it. Some good recommendations are coming soon.
• Movies watched — I’m not a film buff, but I love to comment on what I’ve watched.
• Studies — Because in the end, we’re always learning something new, whether we want to or not.
• Programming projects — Speaking of that, I’ve got a new app in mind… maybe one day I’ll make something decent.
• Marketing projects — Deep down, I’m a creative mind always trying to sell ideas.
• Revamping the site — Honestly, this is the most important one. I want the homepage to look more professional. It’s on the list!

By the way, I’m thinking of something like this for the homepage:

Speaking of delicate matters, should I talk about love? Ah, I miss talking to Vitor. It’s been about two days since we had a call, and today he casually texted me asking if my new vibrator had arrived. And that’s it. Like it’s the most normal way to start a conversation, haha.

Sometimes, I wish we had something more, but at the same time… I like keeping this "web-sexual" relationship we have. No strings attached, no responsibilities, just fun. But here’s the complicated part: I also miss having someone to have deep conversations with, you know? Like I used to have with Felipe. But at the same time, I wonder if I want to get involved again the same way I did with Felipe. All that emotional baggage, the expectations, the exhaustion... I don’t know if I’m ready for that again. Maybe I never will be. For now, keeping things as they are seems easier.

On a completely different note, I made some palm heart stuffing today. It didn’t turn out exactly as I expected, but it was actually kinda tasty. That’s life, right? You try, you fail, you succeed, but at the end of the day, at least you have something to eat. Not a bad outcome.